I've Tried Everything!

I just made my sister laugh. We were talking on the phone and she was relating to me the complete fatigue she feels towards dealing with her teenager. She feels she has tried everything but the teen simply isn't responding. She is discouraged and she wants to quit because she doesn't see any results - even after putting in SUCH EFFORTS! I told her (and this is what made her laugh) "You've tried everything. Why not try something that works?" Sounds funny when everything you have tried seems to have failed. Is there anything else to try? She didn't feel there was. But is there? Of course there is. As parents we can come in at a different angle. We can try a variety of angles - it's our God given parental right. We can think and rethink and find the most effective way to reach our kids. We don't have to quit. We can keep trying and we can have fun trying. We're creative. We're motivated. We have every reason to pour our creative resources into our children. We know how to be fun. We know how to build relationships. We're good at it in our social circles. Now let's put our hands, heads and hearts towards our children. What do they want in a mom? What do they need? What inspires them? What reaches them or touches their heart?

Bottom line is when we have teens what we really want is a good relationship with them. We want them to like us. We want them to value us. We want their response to migrate away from robotic obedience to relational obedience - doing things because they are responding to a person and not simply just a rule. We want them to feel that having and maintaining the respect of their parents is of high priority. Our kids need us and we want them to be aware of that need by fostering a relationship that meets tangible needs in THEIR life. They also need to get to know the real us (parents).

Sometimes problems and circumstances that highlight negative attitudes (in both parties) creates an environment of tension and all the joy of relationship is choked out. We seem to somehow slip into a repetitive pattern of relational destruction. Why not create environments that are conducive to relationship growth? Is it possible? Of course. We know under what circumstances our children tend to be more pliable and relational. We also know what circumstances cause them to tighten up more than a clam trying to escape prying fingers. If we can take advantage of moments that actually provide opportunity for us to invest in what is ultimately the foundations of our children's character, then we'll be more productive as parents and they'll be more readily equipped to handle themselves in trying circumstances. We can't build in the middle of a storm. We need to build in good weather so when the storm comes we're prepared for it. So often we try to build in pouring rain (hail, lightning and thunder at that!) and we feel like we're getting nowhere (because we're not). Not only do we feel like we're getting nowhere, we feel like things are getting ruined (because they are).

If what we are doing doesn't work, we shouldn't be afraid to find something that does. If there is an answer to our problem wouldn't it be wise to find it? "Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door shall be opened unto you. For anyone who asks receives and anyone who seeks finds and anyone who knocks the door will be opened unto them."