Believe

We've all heard of Doubting Thomas, right?

He stated that he would not believe that Jesus had risen from the dead unless he placed his finger in His nail scared hands. Jesus gave him the chance to do that very thing.... just so Thomas would stop doubting and start believing.

But there is more to Thomas than the story of him doubting. There's another story about him that isn't mentioned nearly as much. Maybe it's because we, as humans, are more prone to recount failures than victories. We're prone to do it to ourselves, and we're prone to do it to others... if we're not careful.

In John 11, Lazarus was sick. Actually, he even died. Jesus wanted to go to him but the disciples tried to discourage Him from doing so on the account the Jewish leaders of that area were desperately trying to kill Jesus. Jesus wanted to go anyway. Danger or no danger.

And here is the shining moment: "Thomas, nicked named the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, 'Let's go, too - and die with Jesus'." (John 11:16)

Thomas, who had shown such weakness in his doubting, had at one time displayed so much faith that he was willing to die for Jesus. Wow! What faith. What commitment. What sacrifice. And all he is known for is doubting?

Why?

I think it is because we hate to stumble. We hate it in oursleves and we hate it in others. The problem is we all stumble. We're all a bit like Thomas:

We withstand things we never thought we could.... just to crumble over things that don't really matter.
We say the just right thing, at the just right time... and then catch ourselves saying things we never should.
We believe so strongly... then catch ourselves doubting everything.

Jesus provided for Thomas' unbelief. He visited the very issue that was making Thomas stumble. He appeared in the midst of Thomas' unbelief, put out his nail scared hands and reminded him to believe.

Jesus isn't just the Author of our faith. He is the Perfecter of our faith, as well. He invites us to believe Him and then He teaches us how to keep believing... because He doesn't want us to be known as "doubters". He wants us to be known as "believers".

So, let's remember our true potential.... and let's keep believing.

Repeating Yourself?

One of the things I battled a lot in the beginning of my parenting years was frustration. It was always poking out its ugly head and it always looked a lot like me, but uglier. Of course I cried out to the Lord about it, and of course, the Lord would always provide a way of escape. Here is one of the things He showed me that transformed me into a much more lovely person.

He showed me that if I use more than "just words" to address my children then they'll be more responsive and I'll fore go the frustration that repeating oneself again and again and again always brings.

What do I mean you ask?

Well, the Lord showed me that I liked to parent with mere words (probably b/c I am prone to be lazy). He reminded of the Bible verse, "They honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from me." Well, come to find out God isn't the only one who knows when we're just giving lip service - our kids know it too. Children have an incredible sense to discern when mom and/or dad really mean what they say. Do you know what I think the most effective signal we can give to show that our expectations are sincere? It isn't yelling. It's stopping whatever we are doing and going to them directly. This shows that we're really invested (with our whole bodies) in seeing the issue out.

When children see that we are distracted when we address them I have found, at least with my children, that makes them feel they have a safety parameter for disobedience. When I am ready to give them my full attention I see that I have more of theirs.

Since I know that my children are more responsive when I am more attentive I have developed the discipline to be more hands on in parenting. I try to communicate to my children with more than just words. Our bodies are talking to our children as much as our mouths are. We want our body language to match our parenting language. When we say "I mean it" with our mouth, we don't want our body language to say, "I'm really distracted on the computer right now but when I finish this, then I'll mean it".

And we don't ever want to give our childen the impression that we really only mean what we say when we raise our voice. If that was the case our children would tune us out until we become physically upset, turning various shades of red and yelling things that would land us on the Oprah show featuring scary moms. There has to be a better way, right?

Well, children have a radar that picks up sincerity better than a hound can sniff out a critter. If children truly believe that we are serious then they will be more likely to respond with obedience. The more children learn to be responsive when we speak to them, the easier our job gets. The key thing is we, as parents, have to be consistent if we want to equip our children to be respond appropriately to a calm voice.

Another plus to hands on parenting is that you are not waiting for frustration to prompt you to move. You move based upon need, not emotion. When we aren't frustrated when we address our children then we're more effective. When we use self-control we know that we are training our children to take action as opposed to scaring them to.

Moms, if there are any topics of parenting you would like me to address in this blog please submit questions. And on each topic that is discussed please contribute what you have learned on the subject because there are moms who need to hear what you have to say.

Teenagers!

We can speak to our children's ears but only God can speak to their hearts.

I got a call from a mother I absolutely adore. A good mother. A great mother. And she told me about what she had been facing with her teenage daughter. Hard stuff. Especially because I know this teenager. And as hard as her behavior is on her parents, I know it's just as hard on her because she truly expects more from herself. What she is doing is not who she really wants to be because she knows it is not who she really is.

A lot of her behavior has been hateful. The words that have come out of her mouth could be considered nothing less. It's hard to understand how someone so sweet can suddenly act so uncaring, heartless and rude. Well, I think I may have a clue. The Bible says in Proverbs that if you rebuke a mocker, they will hate you.

Hate you? Yes, hate you.

Sadly, the world in which we live tends to teach our children to belittle correction. It is painted as unnecessary, foolish, a waste of time and a waste of breath. They mock it because they feel they don't need it, so they don't want it. They don't realize that "belittling attitude" compels their heart to step into a world of hateful behavior, whether they want to go there or not.

Just as dropping a ball sends it bouncing, mocking what a parent has to say will cause feelings of hate to come pounding on the door of the mocker's heart. Unfortunately, the abundance of the heart is what the mouth will speak. It's cause and effect and helps explain how a teen's sweetness can sour so quickly.

In unheated moments, when conversation is more fluid, there are some things we can do to help our children navigate around some of these destructive pitfalls.

1. For starters we can tell them to count on correction coming. No, it's not fun being "lectured" but it's part of life. Helping our teens be aware of this common fact braces them for such encounters and can help eliminate unnecessary drama.

2. We need to communicate to our teens what we desire their posture to be while being corrected. Parents have expectations regarding body language, words, tone of voice and response. Relating to them our expectations teaches our teens how to communicate effectively even while being corrected. Personally, I ask that my children be attentive to me when I am addressing them and ask that they use a gentle tone of voice. I often end a time of correction with a hug to communicate to my teen that my correction is meant to strengthen them, not hurt them.

3. Often teens mistakenly feel correction will last for infinity. Because they don't see hope on the horizon they succumb to impatience rather quickly. Allowing teens to know that correction, minus drama, lasts only minutes will help them to endure. As parents we need to be mindful not to get too repetitive. Once we make an effective point we need to end it there and not be tempted to keep dragging it on. As much as we would love to solve all the problems we'll face with our teen in one conversation - it just isn't going to happen.

4. When being corrected our teens need to be prepared to see our body language and tone of voice take on a serious note. Yelling is something that SHOULD NOT be done but there are situations that require a more serious stance. When rather serious situations arise, teens often get offended by our intense body language. Preparing them what to expect from us will help them to see a serious tone is nothing more than a parent's concern about a serious situation. * Note serious tone does not mean we correct our teen outside the guidelines of love. Love (which always believes, never keeps scores of wrong and isn't irritable) is a must or we ARE wasting our breath.

5. Defuse some frustration by being realistic about what raising a teen may look like. Like I said they probably won't master everything we want them to get in one conversation. Parents have to be in this for the long haul. It may take hundreds of conversations but eventually they'll get it. At least allow yourself to believe they will because our teens will pick up on what we believe about them. When we believe in them it fills them with an inner confidence. That confidence lends them the very strength they'll need to overcome foolish behaviors. Never view having to correct your teen as something negative. It is a great thing that they have someone to come alongside of them in life. Not everyone has that. Be glad your kid does.

Like I said we can speak to their ears but only God can speak to their hearts. God can touch places of their heart that the world's best surgeons can't reach. It is good to teach our children wisdom, but only God can cause them to love wisdom.

There is a promise in the Bible that says if we will draw close to God, then He will draw close to us. Since we need Him, let's draw close to Him. Never look at going to church, praying or reading your Bible as a mundane thing. Those are a few things we can do to let God know that we want more than just human effort working in our children's lives. We want Him to do what all men are powerless to do... which is change a heart.

Temptations Gone

When children come into our home I notice something. They tend not to struggle with bad behavior. I've seen children who are the roughest of the roughest turn into the sweetest things ever. Why do you think that is?

I'm not certain why but I am so glad. I hate to see a child struggle. And I know the world in which they reside in presents struggles. Hard ones. If I provide any shelter to them from life's storms then I am eternally grateful.

In the Bible Jesus exhorts us to pray like this: lead us not into temptation.

I think that has a lot to do with the level of victory a child, or any person for that matter, will experience. How much temptation are they having to face in life?

Every child has potential. Potential to stumble. Potential to excel. I believe their environment will greatly influence what the results will be.

In Proverbs it tells us that a wise woman build up her home, while a foolish woman tears it apart with her own hands. I want to build wisely. I want my home to be a shelter FROM life's storms, not a home that mimics the very storms I'm trying to protect my children from.

The Kingdom of God isn't a matter of words. It's a matter of peace, righteousness and joy. And when we allow those things to be found in our midst we'll find ourselves not stumbling nearly so often. And not just us, but our children as well.