Teenagers!

We can speak to our children's ears but only God can speak to their hearts.

I got a call from a mother I absolutely adore. A good mother. A great mother. And she told me about what she had been facing with her teenage daughter. Hard stuff. Especially because I know this teenager. And as hard as her behavior is on her parents, I know it's just as hard on her because she truly expects more from herself. What she is doing is not who she really wants to be because she knows it is not who she really is.

A lot of her behavior has been hateful. The words that have come out of her mouth could be considered nothing less. It's hard to understand how someone so sweet can suddenly act so uncaring, heartless and rude. Well, I think I may have a clue. The Bible says in Proverbs that if you rebuke a mocker, they will hate you.

Hate you? Yes, hate you.

Sadly, the world in which we live tends to teach our children to belittle correction. It is painted as unnecessary, foolish, a waste of time and a waste of breath. They mock it because they feel they don't need it, so they don't want it. They don't realize that "belittling attitude" compels their heart to step into a world of hateful behavior, whether they want to go there or not.

Just as dropping a ball sends it bouncing, mocking what a parent has to say will cause feelings of hate to come pounding on the door of the mocker's heart. Unfortunately, the abundance of the heart is what the mouth will speak. It's cause and effect and helps explain how a teen's sweetness can sour so quickly.

In unheated moments, when conversation is more fluid, there are some things we can do to help our children navigate around some of these destructive pitfalls.

1. For starters we can tell them to count on correction coming. No, it's not fun being "lectured" but it's part of life. Helping our teens be aware of this common fact braces them for such encounters and can help eliminate unnecessary drama.

2. We need to communicate to our teens what we desire their posture to be while being corrected. Parents have expectations regarding body language, words, tone of voice and response. Relating to them our expectations teaches our teens how to communicate effectively even while being corrected. Personally, I ask that my children be attentive to me when I am addressing them and ask that they use a gentle tone of voice. I often end a time of correction with a hug to communicate to my teen that my correction is meant to strengthen them, not hurt them.

3. Often teens mistakenly feel correction will last for infinity. Because they don't see hope on the horizon they succumb to impatience rather quickly. Allowing teens to know that correction, minus drama, lasts only minutes will help them to endure. As parents we need to be mindful not to get too repetitive. Once we make an effective point we need to end it there and not be tempted to keep dragging it on. As much as we would love to solve all the problems we'll face with our teen in one conversation - it just isn't going to happen.

4. When being corrected our teens need to be prepared to see our body language and tone of voice take on a serious note. Yelling is something that SHOULD NOT be done but there are situations that require a more serious stance. When rather serious situations arise, teens often get offended by our intense body language. Preparing them what to expect from us will help them to see a serious tone is nothing more than a parent's concern about a serious situation. * Note serious tone does not mean we correct our teen outside the guidelines of love. Love (which always believes, never keeps scores of wrong and isn't irritable) is a must or we ARE wasting our breath.

5. Defuse some frustration by being realistic about what raising a teen may look like. Like I said they probably won't master everything we want them to get in one conversation. Parents have to be in this for the long haul. It may take hundreds of conversations but eventually they'll get it. At least allow yourself to believe they will because our teens will pick up on what we believe about them. When we believe in them it fills them with an inner confidence. That confidence lends them the very strength they'll need to overcome foolish behaviors. Never view having to correct your teen as something negative. It is a great thing that they have someone to come alongside of them in life. Not everyone has that. Be glad your kid does.

Like I said we can speak to their ears but only God can speak to their hearts. God can touch places of their heart that the world's best surgeons can't reach. It is good to teach our children wisdom, but only God can cause them to love wisdom.

There is a promise in the Bible that says if we will draw close to God, then He will draw close to us. Since we need Him, let's draw close to Him. Never look at going to church, praying or reading your Bible as a mundane thing. Those are a few things we can do to let God know that we want more than just human effort working in our children's lives. We want Him to do what all men are powerless to do... which is change a heart.