Story Told

I've been asked to write an update about the three boys who came to live with us, and I'm just getting around to doing it.


It wasn't simply laziness that distracted me. It was wanting to wait and see what would happen. This story took an abrupt turn and I wanted to see what the outcome would be. I bathed it in prayer and hope. And the faith inside of me didn't want to share with you something that didn't reflect what I could see with my heart. But I am ready to share now, even without fruition of prayers answered. If you are ready to listen.


I met the boys through our bus ministry at church. I would bring them to my house a lot, especially on Sunday's. One day I got a call from their mother, asking me to take in Matthew, the ten year old. He had multiple behavior issues and she just couldn't handle him. And when I say behavior issues I mean he is known by police officers in the surrounding area because of his violent outbursts. He isn't allowed to attend regular school and was been committed to psychiatric hospital multiple times. I knew the urgency of the situation and responded immediately. I drove to Walmart and bought him some clothes. Nothing from his bug infested motel room could come with him. When I got to their motel Matthew was excited. He always wanted to come live with us and now he was getting to. Matthew had always done so well in our family that I had a lot of hope things would work out.  


Having taken in a homeless child in the past, I knew there was some legalities that I would have to take care of to take him across the state line, where I lived, and home school him legally. When I spoke with their caseworker she informed me that the state was already planning on removing Matthew and his four brothers from the home. She told me that their grandfather would be willing to take custody of Matthew's brothers if I would take custody of Matthew. I agreed.


When I got to court the case worker informed me that the grandfather was only willing of taking custody of the two oldest boys. If I wouldn't take custody of Matthew and his two younger brothers then they would be placed in state custody. The judge needed an answer immediately. I didn't even have time to call home and ask Jack, my husband. But I already knew what his answer would be. I agreed to do it.


Matthew had already been living with us for a few weeks by this point. He was doing super well. He excelled in school, doing all his work and even working ahead. His ability to memorize spelling words was uncanny. He had a photographic memory and carried himself like he would be a future contender in the National Spelling Bee. He was ecstatic his two younger brothers would be joining him.


When my husband and I (told you he would do it) picked up the boys the lice was so bad that they were literally falling off their heads. I put the lice shampoo in their hair before they even got in our car. Those suckers were still alive thirty minutes later when I got to my friend's house. I needed help, and even though it was late in the evening, I knew the person I could turn to: one of my best friends, Stacy. She is a hair dresser. There was a season of life that we hung out daily. She taught me how to sew. We use to let our kids play while we sewed them all matching outfits and then we would take all the children out and pretend we were the Von Trapp family. Loved those sweet, simple days.


Stacy shaved the boys heads. Had to be done. No way around it. 


And then we brought them home.


At first Matthew was happy to have his brothers join him. But that lasted about twenty minutes. Something turned on in Matthew when his brothers walked in that door that he didn't have the power to turn off.


Was it the pressure he felt to parent them? He couldn't control the two year old. Matthew became frustrated at everything he did. And then he displayed resentment to his eight year old brother. He didn't want him to have anything special. 


The sweet, cuddly Matthew disappeared and a very angry, frustrated Matthew emerged. One day we were doing family devotions. We were talking about how Jesus helps us to have victory. He became agitated and declared that he would never have victory. "You don't get it. You all already have victory", he stuttered. "I'll never have victory. It isn't going to happen to me." Broke. My. Heart.


The temporary custody we agreed to, before the judge, was turning into permanent custody. The boys parents had failed to follow thru on anything the court had mandated. We had the three boys for several months at this point and Matthew's behavior worsened towards his brothers, and for the first time, towards our family. His outbursts were so violent that we implemented an emergency exit strategy for the other children to shield them from the trauma. They had to go a room and lock the door. Sometimes for hours.


One evening, on a Friday night outreach, the unexpected happened. And it changed everything. 


On Friday nights I take a group of impoverished girls out. I volunteer through Young America, an incredible ministry to at risk youth.  My older children and I pick the girls up in a large 15 passenger van and take them into the community to minister to others. We always go out to eat and do something special for the girls. Because of Matthew's behavior problems he always came with us. I couldn't leave him at home with younger children.


On this particular Friday evening I noticed a girl needed shoes. It was cold and the need couldn't be ignored. So when we were finished with our evening I dropped all the girls off except the one who needed shoes. I got permission from her mother to run into Walmart for the purchase. It was right around the corner.


It was late. Maybe that's why Matthew was walking so slowly through the store. He wasn't be compliant but in our hurry we just scooted him along. The girl ended up with a buggy full of things. It was too much fun to pass up. But poor Matthew wasn't so happy about purchases that weren't for him.


At the check out counter he seemed to cheer up. He liked the cashier. Her name was Jeannie. When Jeannie rung up the price on a pair of boots the price was wrong. She sent another employee to go check the prices. When he came back he reported that the boots weren't on sale. This is when Matthew tells him and Jeannie that his mommy steals by changing the prices on things. They assumed I was his mother. They both turned red and gave me that you"re busted look.


I explained to them I wasn't his mother. Matthew chatted with them a while longer and then it was time to leave. He learned the other cashier was John. Matthew can display such depth of anger but he can also display such depth of love. He loved Jeannie and John.


Things were good until in the parking lot Matthew went berserk. I was holding his hand when he suddenly broke free from me and ran back into Walmart. He was screaming that he wanted the cashiers Jeannie and John. No one could catch him. The more attention he got, the more animal like his behavior became. He started threatening to murder people and kill himself. By the time the manager got on the scene Matthew had crawled up onto a shelf. The manager wanted the police called. Understandable. Things couldn't get too much worse for a ten year old in Walmart. 


Matthew was still screaming for Jeannie and John when the police showed up. The officer asked to have them paged. Minutes later here come Jeannie and John walking through the small crowd of onlookers, wondering why the police wanted them. When Matthew saw them his countenance changed. The heavy breathing stopped. No more talk about murdering people. He climbed down off the shelf and ran into their arms. He had each of them sit beside him. He forgot about the crowd for a moment. Forgot about the police officer. He just began chatting with his new best friends. Then he would get angry out of nowhere and start breathing hard. Telling the police officer to have me hide the knives at our house.


The police officer informed me that he would have to take him to the hospital. And that was the beginning of Matthew leaving our house. I went with Matthew to the hospital and stayed with him until they took him away at two o'clock the next afternoon. They wanted him to stay for at least a week then we could get him back and hopefully get him stable again, which he really hadn't been since his brothers joined him at our house.


The hospital diagnosed Matthew with schizophrenia, bi-polar (which children aren't normally diagnosed with) and severe ADHD. 


Matthew's situation was so dire that unless something drastic happened to get him stabilized again we knew he couldn't remain in our home around other children. Since he had done so well with us before his brothers came we sought out a family or two that would help us out with his brothers so we could focus on Matthew. We thought if he came back to our house without his brothers being there then he would have a better chance of adjusting. One of my best friends, Angela Parsley, and her husband Tony, of Refresh My Soul Ministries, came to the rescue. They decided to take the baby, who had just turned three but was undeveloped. Their best friends, the Simpsons, would take the eight year old, sweet little Daniel, who couldn't be a better behaved little boy. Since we were all good friends we could get the boys together often. The judge agreed and Matthew was able to return to our home without his brothers competing for our family's attention. Attention, something all three boys desperately needed.


When Matthew was released he lasted two days. The first day back we had a blast at Chuck E Cheese. The second day was another exciting day in downtown Chattanooga at the Children's Museum. But come the third day his violence returned. Like. No Other. My poor children were looked in a room from 9 AM until 2 PM. That's when the police showed up at our house.


Matthew calmed down and the police officer allowed him to stay. But the very next day the exact thing happened. Violence. Like. No. Other. My children were again locked in a room for their safety from 9 AM until 3 PM when the police came. We had to inform the state. Matthew was declared level three, which is one step below having to be locked up 24/7. By law he had to be placed with someone level three certified and live in the state of TN, where his case was being monitored. 


So there we were, the Simpletons, orphan-less. Defeated. Because we wanted Matthew to have deliverance. We had worked with him for two years. He had loved our family for two solid years like he loved Jeannie and John. And then things changed. 


On the way to the courthouse to see the judge regarding Matthew I got a phone call. It was a friend who I hadn't talked to in a long while. She had no idea what had just happened with Matthew. She was just calling to inform me that she met the most incredible lady that is level three certified in the state of TN and she takes in boys just like Matthew. I couldn't get her number fast enough.


When I called her I promptly told her about Matthew. She could have, and sometimes did, finish my sentence when I was describing Matthew and the abrupt change he had made for the worse. She made her calls and put in a request to get Matthew placed in her home. That way I could still get him on the weekends like we had been doing for so long. I was ecstatic because Matthew wouldn't get lost in the system if she stepped in and our family would continue to play an important role in his life.


She made phone calls and Matthew would have been placed with her but her house wasn't large enough for another boy. She already had custody of several boys just like Matthew, who were thriving under her care. But if she had to move, she was willing to move! She soon put an offer in on a house. The appraisal on the house she wanted to purchase was too low and the deal fell through at the last minute. So I have just been waiting for her to secure another home. In the meantime Matthew was placed with another couple who is level three certified but just not very kind. My friend visits with Matthew and keeps her eye on him and recently told me she may get custody of him by the end of this month. We're praying.


Matthew's brothers at thriving with their new parents. The three year old is learning to talk. He has made such immense progress. God truly has blessed those boys with the very best of homes. The eight year old is living in a little Disney land with a big tree house in the back yard and is saturated with the presence of a very loving God on a daily basis. My heart can only rejoice at seeing them both so well cared for. They are where God wanted them. If I were to have known we would lose Matthew I would have kept the boys. God had a different plan. And the goodness of His plan minsters to me and so many others. I bend my knee to His sovereignty.


On another note let me share something else. I had always been close to the boys' parents. We had helped out their family multiple times and they knew we loved them and their children. They knew it in the deepest part of their being. Their mom and I even went out to dinner once and just spent time together talking. I knew she was an addict and a horrible mother. But I loved her. And, like I said, she knew I did. 


I loved her but I had reported her to the state multiple times. What they were doing as parents was a crime against children. Multiple people reported them but the state was so saturated in cases that they took an awful long time to intervene. When I appeared before the judge I had to report to the judge everything I knew about their case and I had to do it in front of them. I even showed the judge a picture I had taken of the large infested scab on the back of Daniel's head caused from the lice.I told the judge the husband told me that there was a meth addiction. And a few other things.


As you can imagine they weren't so happy with me and pretty much blame me, not themselves, for losing their children. So we didn't talk much since that day. All I heard was how angry they were at me.


A few days ago I felt so burdened for this couple. I wanted to reach out to them and try helping them. It just felt like they were needing another chance. God provides those for us along the way. It's a work of His endless mercy. A perfect combination of discipline and mercy is what we all need. When we're low, His kindness has a way of leading us to repentance. So I called them but was told by the motel they were gone. I assumed homeless.


And then Sunday I got a call from them. They had been living on the streets for five days. They wanted to know if I could help them. God had already laid upon my heart to help them. I was thrilled to do so. My husband and I jumped in the car and went to pick them up. We took them to the store and bought groceries and got them a room for a week. We loved on them. We let them know that just because we did something that hurt them, we weren't against them. Things couldn't continue the way they were living and something serious had to be done. It was an intervention from God to take how they are living seriously. Because it would be better for them to tie a millstone around their necks and hurl themselves in the sea then to cause one of thee little ones to stumble. And they got it. They softened. At least for a day and they were reminded that God wants better for them and that He is able to get them better. If they want to be.


They invited me to come to their state appointed visit with Matthew this next Saturday. I haven't seen him in three months now and my heart is aching to. I am looking forward to the visit and I'll try to post a pic of us. All of us. In this great big story of life with all its complexities. A story that isn't just about Matthew but his brothers and his parents as well. It's about the Parsley's and the Simpson's and the Akins. But mostly, it's about Jesus.

                                          Me and Matthew on our visit