Let's Hurry!!!

It use to be that I didn't enjoy myself very much. Everything I had to do as a mother seemed like a big CHORE. I was always wanting rest and rest was always eluding me. The needs of my children (at the time there were two) seemed unending, so every time there was a need it always took me off guard. AGAIN? I would say to myself. I JUST.... fill in the gap. My little blessings had turned into burdens and I didn't even recognize the fact that I had succumbed to that conclusion.

I specifically remember going to Target one day. The children had to use the restroom. Of course. I didn't want to go to the restroom. I hate public restrooms. I immediately went into "let's hurry mode". My plan was to get in and out of there as quickly as possible so I could move on with life - which was trying to get out of Target as quickly as possible.

NOTE: Torment= A mother with small children trying to hurry. Period.

Anyway, I was in a hurry. They used the restroom which was an ordeal in itself, always was. When they were washing their hands they wanted to get the soap themselves. I wanted to get the soap for them so we could HURRY. Then they wanted to get their own paper towel. I told them no. We were in a HURRY. Then the Lord spoke to me. "Why are you in such a hurry all the time? Is the president waiting for you? Is there some important engagement?" Actually, my schedule was pretty much open. I was a stay at home mother. I actually had nothing to do. Most of my day I fought boredom.

The Lord then challenged me. "Why not enjoy your children? Why not let them get their own soap? Their own paper towel? So little makes them so happy. That in itself is a gift that only lasts a short time." I realized one day pulling the paper towel lever won't be such a big thing. Maybe I should enjoy it now.

That day life began to change for me. I resisted the silly and even pointless urge to always hurry through life. I decided I was going to stop and smell the flowers and let everything I do be fun with my children - even the WORK they required. God has honored that desire and the burdens I felt when parenting my children are overshadowed by the blessings I am now experiencing.

Children are A LOT of work but think of all the EXERCISE we're getting! If I could just sit all day would I really want that? No! God is true to His Word. He wasn't lying when He said children were a blessing. When life beats us down and we begin to look at them as burdens, then we can cry out to God and He can change our perspective. I have never had God leave the prayer of, "Help me to love and ENJOY my children" unanswered. Not only can He help me to enjoy them, He can even help me enjoy pulling a paper towel lever.... and enjoying our children will cause our peace to flow like a river.

Slowing down to enjoy everyday life with my children is one of the greatest lessons I have learned as a mom. A mom once told me she saw me leave Wal-Mart with five children and she noticed I was having the best time and smiling. And, yes, I did say Wal-Mart. She thought it was because I was a great mother. It was really because I serve a great God who pointed out to me the source of much of my frustration and lack of joy. He taught me how to relish in my life's work. My God taught me to smell the roses....even in public restrooms. And even when the roses look a lot like paper towels.

"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from Him." Psalms 127:3

Angry Mom

I guess being a mom of six children has required me to learn a thing or two about the whole parenting thing. I guess it would make sense to post a word of encouragement/advice from time to time to encourage other mothers. Even if it is advice you already know it can stir your heart to hear it again (mine, too). Mommas talking about being mommas makes us want to be better mommas. That simple.

Parenting

Topic: Tone of Voice

One of the things I pay the most attention to when addressing my children is my tone of voice. The secret to great parenting is now out of the bag. I say that because when a mother controls her tone of voice when addressing her children people's ear perk up. They're impressed. So simple, but so effective. I have also learned over time that if my tone is good then how I respond and/or address my children is good, too.

My advice for today is if/when you become irritated or if there is an "issue" to address then first find a gentle tone. Also, allow your hands, touch, etc to be gentle. Gentleness actually deters irritability and produces amazing self control. It makes you feel like a REAL MOM and not an impostor that should have a photo on America's Most Wanted.

We can't discipline, train or inspire our children towards better behavior if we're irritable so taking a moment to shake off the irritability is worth it. Our tone of voice greatly effects our level of irritability. Tired of being so irritable all the time? Then try changing your tone. In addition, incredible words of wisdom (I mean sentences that you can't believe came from you and not Dr. James Dobson) tend to flow from a controlled tone of voice. And when we have no control over our tone.... let's not even think of the things that can come out of our mouths when that happens! It's enough to make the best of the best of mommas wince because of their own "shocking" behavior.

Verse:Romans 12:21

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

Pictures of the Family

Humiliated...I Mean Humbled!

They call it a Datsun but I called it a good ole cup of humble tea. It was the car I drove when I was pregnant with my third child. The year was 1981, that's the year of the car, not the year I drove it. The car had two doors, perfect for getting children in and out of car seats. You know I am lying. The passenger seat, which I sat in every time the hubby drove because this was our ONLY car! Anyway, the passenger seat was not bolted down all the way so the seat rocked back and forth like a rocking chair. If I wanted to see where we going then I had to really flex those stomach muscles to sit upright. Most women lose muscle in their stomachs when pregnant. I developed a six pack. I know you are all green with envy for an '81 Datsun.

The car did have a good price tag. We got it in exchange for a king size head board (foot board, too). When I was 18, and bought the bed for $800, I assumed it came with a mattress. Teenagers... what do they know? Well, come to find out the mattress wasn't included. That would be another $800, so we never bought a mattress. We simply hauled around the bed for several years until our neighbors (who had a king size mattress but no bed) asked us if we wanted to swap their '81 Datsun for our king size bed. Considering our car had just died it seemed like a good thing to do. My husband was weeks away from graduating from college and we were trying to buy a house so we were avoiding debt at all costs. We made the swap.

And it would have been okay....if the car would go when you pressed down the accelerator. The car had a mind of its own. It moved if and only if it was good and ready. Patient the car was. Now I was officially Jesus crazy at the time so I was determined to exercise all faith required to master the driving of the Datsun. I prided myself in the humility I displayed as I drove the thing around town. I mean could there be anything more humiliating, I mean humble, than driving that thing around? I thought I must have been the most humble person in the whole city, make it America....or maybe even the WORLD!

The car broke down several times a week but that was an "opportunity" to trust Jesus. Did I tell you I was Jesus crazy? I can't tell you how many times we had to get out of that car and lay hands on the thing. I remember on one occasion Santa Clause stopping to help us get the car started. Seriously, it was the man who did Santa at the mall. His picture was hanging up in our house - I mean two bedroom duplex. The duplex will have to have its own post one day because it doesn't seem right to have lived in a two bedroom duplex with three children in the middle of America. Was that even legal?

Anyway, Jesus put up with us. He got us from place to place, Datsun and all. And out of pure sympathy to our situation He laid it on someones heart to get us a car. She was a woman we met on the side of the road. The Datsun wasn't even broke down, we had just stopped to look at something. She loved our family and did the math - three babies won't fit in that car. She called me one day and asked where we lived, saying she had a gift for the soon to be born baby. She dropped off a bag filled with diapers, clothes, car title and keys. She didn't even stay. She left the car parked outside our duplex. It had four doors! It wasn't brand new but next to the Datsun it looked like it came right off the assembly line.

Do you know it wasn't long after she gave us that car that someone bought her a brand new Toyota Celica! She also went into a shoe store and won $500 the very next week. The woman has the gift of giving and God gives back to her so much more. Her name is Ladonna and I for one want to follow her example. She is a cheerful giver AND I'll never forget what she did for my family.... and now neither will you, I bet!

Running For My Life

When I was born my father was in prison. The state removed my sister and I from the care of our mother. We went from home to home. As a teenager I went to live with an aunt and uncle for a few years. One day they announced that not only were we going to go to church, but that we also had to go to Sunday school. Church is something we didn't normally do. I was clueless about church AND Sunday school... beyond clueless. When we got to the church I was sent to this large room full of teens. I had moved around so much growing up that I felt comfortable just blending in. I didn't approach anyone and no one approached me. Then, out of the blue, the leader told all the kids to go to their classes. Classes???? I had no idea where to go and no one seemed to notice me. Everyone simply got up and headed to various destinations. I had two options: 1. Approach someone and ask them where I was suppose to go. 2. Leave the church and walk a few blocks over to Warehouse Row (a place with all sorts of clothing stores and cute little shops). I opted for Warehouse Row.

The church was located in downtown Chattanooga,TN. As all the kids headed to their Sunday school class I made my way outdoors to freedom - so I thought. It wasn't too many blocks into my walk before I noticed how empty the streets were. I was beginning to wonder if Warehouse Row would even be open at 8 am on a Sunday morning. I was way past being naive here... I was into stupidity. How I didn't know everything is closed on Sunday mornings in the heart of the Bible belt is beyond trying to defend, so I won't even try to.

Right about the time I began questioning the reasoning of my great plan two men spotted me walking down the street all alone in my church dress and mini pumps. It only took them half a second to decide to pursue me. It quickly turned into a race for my life, I knew that without doubt. There wasn't another soul on those streets - no person, no car, no office open - nothing. I crossed the street, so did they. I turned the corner, so did they. I was so far from the Lord that I didn't even ask Him for help. I didn't even think to cry out to Him. But God in His mercy sent what I didn't deserve: a policeman! Out of nowhere he came driving by and saw me being chased by those men. He pulled up, opened his car door and asked me to get in. When I got into his car he couldn't help but question me, "Where are you suppose to be right now?"
"At church" I mumbled in relief and embarrassment.
He drove me to the church and I got out of the police car. I went into the service, found my aunt and uncle and sat down. I didn't dare tell them what had happened. I would like to say I listened more intensely to the sermon and gave my life to Christ but I didn't. I didn't even think to tell the Lord thank you.

Do you know what? When I did become a Christian at age 18, I had a HUGE desire to go to church. I hadn't invested any money on church clothes so I had to search my closet for something to wear. I could only find one dress. Do you know what dress I found? The one I wore the day I skipped Sunday school when I was 16. The one I almost died in. The one I was wearing when God delivered me, even though my prayer life was so non-existent that I didn't even think to ask for help, nor bother to offer up a praise after He did. As I put the dress on the magnitude of what God had done for me became obvious. I felt such remorse that even after He saved me I didn't even pay attention to the sermon or bother to ever go back to church. I couldn't help but question Him as to why He even stooped so low to save me. He answered so clearly that it took me by surprise. He said, "On the day I saved you I saw you wearing this dress TODAY. You NOW see what you WERE but I always saw what you would be. I knew that this would be the dress you would wear to church today and I saved it for you. And I saved you for me ."

When I was asked to join a speaking team for the "Be Still, Get Real" conferences I was told I had to meet our sponsor. Do you know where I was told to go to? That church. Yes, God doesn't just see what we are. He sees what we will be.

"Deal bountifully with Your servant, that I may live and keep your Word. Open my eyes, that I may see wonderous things from Your law. I am a stranger in the earth; do not hide Your commandments from me." Psalm 119:17-19

The Plane's Going Down!

Way back in 1995, my friend and I decided to fly to Colorado together. She had just graduated from college and I was expecting my second baby. I was going for a big "break" before newborn number two came and she was going as a treat for finishing college. Problem was she had never flown on an plane before AND she is a little bit on the hypochondriac side. The flight out there wasn't too bad. I would even venture to say she did well. But, our flight back was postponed some hours because of a snow storm. We finally got boarded on the plane in the wee hours of the night. We were seated right next to a neurosurgeon. That made my friend feel a bit better to know a doctor was close by. She even asked if he would perform surgery on her in the event of a crash. Surgery wasn't what he thought she needed. He was thinking medication. Lots and lots of medication. When the plane took off we ran into some turbulence. Actually, a lot of turbulence. So much so that my friend phoned her parents to inform them the plane was going down. Back in 1995, that call cost her $35. She really thought and acted like the plane was going down. Everyone else on the plane was snoozing away. Everyone but the doctor. He was rewriting that prescription for something stronger. I made every effort to calm my friend. How about singing praise songs? She wouldn't go for it. Didn't amuse her at all. What fun is that? I decided I would talk to her about the Lord. I began to say things like if we did die we'd get to see Jesus face to face. I tried to get her excited about the glory of it all but she didn't get excited. She only got more frightened. I went on to inform her that God is so worthy of our trust that the plane could be a ball of fire crashing down to earth and we wouldn't have to worry. We didn't have to be afraid. Now I am a very animated person when I make a point and I don't even know how to whisper. It was about this time the doctor began writing another prescription. This one was for me. For the life of him, he couldn't figure out which one of us was more crazy!

A bunch of girls from church went out to dinner the night before last and my friend told everyone this story. I was laughing so hard. I had forgotten about it. I am older now and realize just how bizarre we must have seemed. Nowadays if I was in a plane going down I think I would be a wee bit worried. Excited to see Jesus but worried. So, doc, if you're reading this: the medicine worked.

Hope, Faith & Love

Hope. It is a very powerful thing. It is like holding the winning lottery ticket, you don't have the money yet but you have the joy of knowing you're the winner. And no, I don't play the lottery but it is a good example. The knowledge of being the winner is just as strong, if not stronger, than holding the cold, hard cash in your hands. That is the power of hope.

Well, we are winners. More than conquerors. We can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us. We have the winning lottery ticket in our hands and it pays for eternity. Hope is so empowering that God puts it right up there with faith and love. "And now these three things remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13). Do you see it is because of hope that we are free to love? Because of hope we have something to give others. Our resources aren't dried up. The gate is wide open. The possibilities... endless. Hope opens the door to fruitfulness, purpose and passion. It simply states that we have a future and a hope. It is what eternity is all about and eternity has alrady begun. It started at the cross. And because of the hope set before Him, Christ endured the shame of the cross. Hope was enough to get Him through His toughest hour and it is enough to get us through, too.

Feeling blue? Discouraged? Useless? Alone? Then remember the power of hope and hope yourself towards victory. You have the winning ticket in your hand. Go collect your winnings!

Men's Room Moment

A few weeks ago I ran to Lifeway Christian Bookstore with my friend Angela, her six and four year olds girls and my three year old daughter. As soon as we got there I announced I had to use the restroom and all three children said they had to do the same. Of course. Since Angela had graciously gotten up at the crack of dawn to babysit my three year old, Lily, so I could go to court with an inmate from my Bible study, I knew I could at least take the crew to the restroom. This was my first time in this particular Lifeway store so I was a bit surprised to find a restroom that could only accomodate one. We all huddled into the tiny space and I helped the girls along. It was obvious things were going to take a REALLY long time so I decided while they were in the girls restroom I could go to the boys restroom next door. With only one person in at a time, a good lock and a very uncrowded day at Lifeway I thought there was nothing to worry about. Who would ever even know? I explained to the girls I would be in the other bathroom right next door. I pointed out the door and I hurried away.... As soon as I got myself situated I heard little voices in the hallway. Great! They left the restroom. They were looking for me so they went directly to the other door - only problem was it was the wrong door. It was the emergency exit door. Which also had an alarm. An alarm that goes off as soon as the door is opened and of course they opened it. The alarm was LOUD and blinked with a variety of lights that seemed to signal certain doom. The crying started. The girls, not mine. The employees ran to the back of the store to find a couple of very little girls all alone standing between the exit and the girls restroom. The girls restroom that had a door wide open with another little girl sitting on the commode crying her little eyes out. I was in the same position but thank goodness my door was securely locked. As much as I didn't want to emerge from the men's room I made my way out so they wouldn't think the children had been abandoned. I said a quick "hello" to the Lifeway staff and then an "I'm sorry". The alarm was too loud to explain the situation and that was sort of a relief. I calmed the girls. The crying stopped. Angela made her way back to us.... And then we laughed......and eventually the alarm was turned off...... and the best part is that Lifeway store isn't the one I normally go to. There is another one much closer to my house that's bigger AND the restroom has stalls! Stalls! A mother's dream. And they don't know about the little commotion we caused... And that's good because I love going to Lifeway.

Starbucks, Need I Say More?

I can't believe I haven't blogged about this sooner because this is huge news. I was picked as "customer of the week" at Starbucks! Yes, it is true. If you go into Starbucks on Gunbarrel you will see MY name on the board. Not only do they feature a customer of the week on a sign in their store they also give you free drinks all week long. I've got Starbucks coming out my pores at this point. This happened on Friday right after prison ministry. I think God was so full of pleasure from seeing His children walk in truth and unity that He couldn't help Himself. I had been eyeing the customer of the week sign for awhile so I guess He thought He would have some fun. When I was approached about it I about brought the roof down - and this was before I found out about the free drinks. I can go overboard at times. I was excited to say the least and I am sure everyone of you would be as well. Let's give Starbucks a hand for such a program. It rocks - I mean brews!

God Showed Up!

Well, God completely showed up during prison ministry on Friday. And He did it in the most unexpected way. I brought in a Mary, Mary CD which the girls love. I get there before 8 am so I play the Shakles song to get them awake. I then play the next song, "I Just Can't Give Up Now". Well, as that song was playing one of the guards came into our class and started singing her lungs out. She knew every word. This was the guard that the girls liked the least but as she was singing the words to this very powerful song her face told a story as she sung - her story. The expressions on her face said more then the words did. We had girls who never leave their bunks for Bible study make their way over to watch. Girl after girl began weeping and worshiping and weeping some more. What was happening just didn't make sense but then God wouldn't have been SO GOD if it did. He did it. Guards never join in on Bible study much less take center stage and start singing but God placed her in our midst and He told her story as she sung her song. And you know what? Her story was very similar to all the stories of every woman in that room.... And unity happened.

Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing

Isn't it time to get real? Isn't it time to tire of all the games we play in an attempt to impress others? And why do we do this? Is there any power in it? Whatever power or influence we do muster up is only a mirage that vanishes like vapor on a hot day. There are no lasting effects. No eternal fruit. The only thing our efforts provide is the pressure to do it again but next time even better, or bigger or smoother.

We dress to impress and we don't even realize that spiritually we're running around naked. We labor and strive to have so much but we don't realize that we're accumulating nothing. It is like Christ said in Revelations 3:17 (NIV), "You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and I don't need a thing'. But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked." How is it we can settle for so little and not even realize we're taking a loss? I think it is because God's standard drastically differs from the world's. What the world defines as life doesn't hold a match to the One who is Life. We've settled for acting like we have a life as opposed to really living one.

Have you ever had one of those bad dreams where you are in such a hurry to get out the door to get somewhere that you don't even realize until it is too late that you forgot to put your clothes on? You appear in the buff before a roomful of watching eyes and when you awake you thank God a thousand times that it was only a dream. Or was it? Don't we do this very thing to ourselves spiritually before a watching world. We get so busy playing games that we forget how to be real. In our aim for perfection we don't realize that a little bit of good that is authentic is better than a whole bunch of great that is nothing but fake.

This is why God beckons us to have pure hearts. Pure hearts aren't perfect hearts. They are hearts that are honest. Honest with themselves, with God and with others. Pure hearts are ripe for an encounter with God, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." (Matthew 5:8 NIV)

As a Bible teacher in prison ministry the Lord has dealt with me on this area of purity. It can be tempting to go into class as a Bible teacher and try to project the exact image I think a Bible teacher would envelop. God is quick to call me on that type of hypocrisy. At moments when I think it would serve me better to play the image game He is quick to question me, "Do you want to look good or do you want to see my goodness?" In utter amazement I have discovered that God delights in pouring out His power on the ordinary, the weak and the ones who feel pathetically under qualified.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." (2 Corinthians 4:7 NIV)

We can spend so much time fighting to look like we belong on top. We want to be best. We want to be first. These are motives that God will never bless. God says in Luke 13:30 that the last shall be first and the first shall be last.

I remember attending a women's conference at Precept Ministries with Kay Arthur. There were about three hundred ladies and she allowed us to have a "slumber party" in her recording studio. We wore our pajamas and everyone brought food for a midnight snack. Eating in the studio was something Kay didn't normally allow so this was a very special treat. Since the equipment in the room was very expensive and the carpet was brand new she emphatically warned us to exercise extreme caution while eating. After she warned everyone she repeated the whole warning again. Let me say we got the point. Spilling something was the last thing anyone in that room planned to do.

I hadn't had a chance to eat dinner so I was starving. The only thing I was thinking of was how I could avoid getting stuck in a long line. I needed to act quickly before the line formed. I decided that as Kay Arthur led us in prayer to bless the food that I could casually make my way towards the snack table to secure my position at the FRONT. It worked. I was actually the first person in line but I carried myself like it was a complete coincidence.

Do you know that as soon as I finished piling my plate with mounds of food I managed to trip and spill it all over Kay Arthur's new carpet. This was done directly in front of all three hundred women and Kay Arthur herself! You could hear everyone gasp for breath. People probably thought most of the salsa landed on my face because it was that red. After I got the mess all cleaned up I realized that if I wanted to eat that I would have to go to the END of the line. God wasn't kidding when He said the first shall be last. As I took my position at the end of the line, pondering this very verse, I couldn't help but mutter under my breath, "Lord, you don't let me get away with anything!"

So often we put pressure on ourselves to get ahead or to be something we're not because we're petrified of weakness. Yes, we can be frighteningly weak on occasions but that's okay. God is bigger than our weaknesses. His strength is actually perfected in them (2 Corinthians 12:9). We spend ourselves searching for power not realizing that true power only comes when we are willing to humble ourselves before our Maker. God will lift us up. He is the Lifter of our Heads. But He calls us to humble ourselves under His mighty hand so that He can lift us up in due season (1 Peter 5:6).

Isn't it tiring trying to lift up ourselves all the time? Let's give ourselves a break and allow God to do the lifting. He'll be sure to only lift up the real thing.

"Be Still"

I lift up my soul

To the One who sees

He is the One

Who knows the real me

He knows my innermost thoughts

The troubles on my mind

He knows the peace

I am so desperate to find.

He knows how busyness

And smiles cover up the pain

But it is still there

Just the same

So the mask comes off

And falls to the ground

Playing these games

Isn't how true peace is found.

He wants me to be someone

Who is real

He wants to teach me

How to be still.

-Kara Akins

I've Tried Everything!

I just made my sister laugh. We were talking on the phone and she was relating to me the complete fatigue she feels towards dealing with her teenager. She feels she has tried everything but the teen simply isn't responding. She is discouraged and she wants to quit because she doesn't see any results - even after putting in SUCH EFFORTS! I told her (and this is what made her laugh) "You've tried everything. Why not try something that works?" Sounds funny when everything you have tried seems to have failed. Is there anything else to try? She didn't feel there was. But is there? Of course there is. As parents we can come in at a different angle. We can try a variety of angles - it's our God given parental right. We can think and rethink and find the most effective way to reach our kids. We don't have to quit. We can keep trying and we can have fun trying. We're creative. We're motivated. We have every reason to pour our creative resources into our children. We know how to be fun. We know how to build relationships. We're good at it in our social circles. Now let's put our hands, heads and hearts towards our children. What do they want in a mom? What do they need? What inspires them? What reaches them or touches their heart?

Bottom line is when we have teens what we really want is a good relationship with them. We want them to like us. We want them to value us. We want their response to migrate away from robotic obedience to relational obedience - doing things because they are responding to a person and not simply just a rule. We want them to feel that having and maintaining the respect of their parents is of high priority. Our kids need us and we want them to be aware of that need by fostering a relationship that meets tangible needs in THEIR life. They also need to get to know the real us (parents).

Sometimes problems and circumstances that highlight negative attitudes (in both parties) creates an environment of tension and all the joy of relationship is choked out. We seem to somehow slip into a repetitive pattern of relational destruction. Why not create environments that are conducive to relationship growth? Is it possible? Of course. We know under what circumstances our children tend to be more pliable and relational. We also know what circumstances cause them to tighten up more than a clam trying to escape prying fingers. If we can take advantage of moments that actually provide opportunity for us to invest in what is ultimately the foundations of our children's character, then we'll be more productive as parents and they'll be more readily equipped to handle themselves in trying circumstances. We can't build in the middle of a storm. We need to build in good weather so when the storm comes we're prepared for it. So often we try to build in pouring rain (hail, lightning and thunder at that!) and we feel like we're getting nowhere (because we're not). Not only do we feel like we're getting nowhere, we feel like things are getting ruined (because they are).

If what we are doing doesn't work, we shouldn't be afraid to find something that does. If there is an answer to our problem wouldn't it be wise to find it? "Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door shall be opened unto you. For anyone who asks receives and anyone who seeks finds and anyone who knocks the door will be opened unto them."